Do you know the word "Batsu-ichi"? It means people
who have been divorced once. This word has now become a word in
common use, and this situation implies an increasing divorce
rate. As we can see in the Internet data published by General
Affairs Office (Soumuchou), certainly the divorce rate is rapidly
increasing in Japan. The 1997 rate, for example, is almost double
the 1975 rate.
Despite this increasing rate, however, Japanese society
is still prejudiced against divorce, and support systems for
divorced parents haven't been established yet in Japan.
Therefore, custodial parents and their children are put in a
difficult situation especially mentally. Consequently, I think we
should accept divorce as one of the lifestyles and prepare more
effective support systems for it. For custodial parents and their
children, I think mental difficulties mostly come from Japanese
traditional attitude against divorce.
In Japan, divorce has almost always had a bad image and has
not been accepted by the vast majority of Japanese for a long
time. So considering decency, many people must have endured
disgusting matrimony. And if parents actually divorce, they are
regarded as unusual families and have to feel small. In America,
on the contrast, divorce is granted as one of the expected life
experiences like entering the school, taking a job or getting
marriage. As a result, divorced families can live proudly
although they are still in difficult economic situations similar
to Japanese divorced families.
Although Japanese society, especially the people who have old
thinking, won't accept divorce, I think divorce is better
than enduring disgusting marriage. The main reason that they
won't accept divorce may be fear of bad effects on children.
Simply the fact that parents divorce at least shocks children.
Moreover, since the custody parent becomes busier with both work
and with childcare and housework, this parent comes to be not
able to care for his or her children for as much time as before
divorce, and children may feel lonely.
Like this, divorce surely has some negative points for
children. But if the custody parent continues a disgusting
marriage only for children, and children have to see quarrels
between parents everyday, I think it may hurt children more
deeply. And even though parents try to hide friction between each
other from children, sooner or later most children will notice
it. The best way to relieve mental difficulties of divorced
families is, of course, for divorce to be accepted in our society
as soon as possible. Also, I think online networks or community
networks which connect divorced families would become effective
support system.
Although divorced conditions differ from family to family,
divorced families often face similar problems like loss of
economic resources, so they can learn ways of coping with these
problems by discussing with other divorced families. similarly if
children make friends with other children in similar hard
situations through networks, they can encourage each other by
confiding their worries and sharing their pain.
The support system I have proposed is just one of many
possible ideas. If divorce is better accepted in our society and
more people come to care for divorced families, support systems
will become better and better. Although divorced families have
many problems, I think whether divorce works positively or not
depends on whether it is done within a sufficient system. If
there is sufficient support, divorce can make it possible for
people to start a new, more pleasant life with their children.
However, if there is not sufficient support, increasing divorce
rate will lead only to increasing miserable parents and
children.
by Chizuko Tesaka
References
Noda, A. (1980). Rikon wo kangaeru [Thinking about
divorce]. Tokyo: Yuuhikaku.
Meguro, Y. (1990). Kekkon, rikon, onna no ibasho
[Marriage, divorce, a women's place]. Tokyo: Yuuhikaku.
Goldstein, S. & Solnit, A. J. (1986). Rikon to
kodomo [Divorce and your child]. (S. Kataoka, trans). Tokyo:
Shobun-sha Publisher.
General Affairs Office, Bureau of Statistics. (1999).
Shussei, Shibousu to konin, rikonkensu [The number of
births, deaths and marriages, divorce]. [online]. Available: http://www.stat.go.jp/zuhyou/ [1999, December
14].
Hanson, T.L, Mclanahan, S.S. & Thomson, E. (1998,
September). Windows on divorce: Before and after. Social
science research, 27(3), 329-349.
